What was I made for?

Oh Hi! I haven’t posted in awhile and I would love to say there is a great reason why…but there isn’t. I have been on the hunt for a new job opportunity, and it has been a little disheartening for me. It has afforded me plenty of time to think about the role of work in my life, as well as how I accommodate the relationships with friends and family. I used to think work was the number one priority, my reason. I LOVED to work, and I LIVED to work. The last few months have taught me that work is only one aspect of who I am, and it may not be the most important. I know, I know. It’s been a shock to me as well. As a stereotypical oldest daughter, a type A personality to boot…. I have always measured my success on what I was doing and how well I was doing it. But at what expense?

When I was young-ish, I watched the movie And the Band Played On. I want to say I also watched Outbreak the same year. The movies made such an impact in my life, I decided that I wanted to one day do relief work on the African continent. I wanted to work to help improve the lives of children or to provide dignity in death. Flash forward about 15 years later and I remember telling a guy I was on a first date with about that dream, and he laughed in my face and called me crazy.

I haven’t yet accomplished that goal, but I have been thinking about it the last three months. I want to do more in my life and make a difference somehow. As I contemplate what the rest of my life looks like (I am after all, barely middle age knock on wood) I know that I want it to be more than it has been. Perhaps this pause in my career is a sign to do more.

I am not sure what my future holds, but I do know I want to write more. Not writing for other people or what I think other people want to read but writing for what I want to say, for what I need to say. I hope you stick along and enjoy the reading.